10

Dear Amelia,

I want to spare you the boring details, so I’ll say this as simply as I can. Jordan and I were both broken people. We were shattered into a million pieces each. Depressed was an understatement, and we didn’t know how to ask for help. Nor did we want to.

In the end, we were the only ones who could help each other. You see, I felt responsible for all the lives that were lost in the war. Afterall, they were fighting for me. At least that’s how I saw it at 19. Jordan felt guilty for James.

The goddesses healed me physically, and somewhat emotionally. But it was my job to help Jordan heal. I was the only one who could do that. Gaia helped me help him. But no one else could do anything for him. Not his parents, not Stella. Not Kevin. Only me. Eventually, I got through to him.

We had my coronation after I visited every pack, clan and coven that helped us in the war. Things changed for the better after that. For example, Jordan felt the mate bond for the first time with Stella.

I spent the next year trying to make a better system. One that would benefit us all. The issue I faced though, was that I was in my second year of the pregnancy, and my symptoms were starting to show.

I don’t think I mentioned that I kept the pregnancy a secret. Only Devyn, Jordan, my mom and Grandpa knew. I wanted to finish with fixing things before saying anything. And I did. I finished building the new system before the last six months of my pregnancy. And then I announced it.

Jordan proposed to Stella and found out he was going to be a dad at the same time. I think I still have the video of him passing out somewhere.

Throughout the pregnancy, and everything since before the war, Devyn and I became close. It felt like it was an age old friendship. One that was never put on pause. I relied on him a lot. And he was more than happy to help me whenever needed. He had his own problems too, like finding a beta and gamma. You can ask him yourself for the details if you don’t want to wait on me to tell you. It’ll be a while before I get to that part anyway. He also didn’t have help from his parents.

Since Jordan was busy catering to Stella, Devyn was my go to guy. Like me, he was the only single person who had time to spare. So most of our free time was spent together. And when I went into labor, he was the one I reached out to.

He was already there but I wanted to make sure he didn’t leave. I needed him to stay with me. The one person whose sole focus was me. Don’t get me wrong, my friends and parents cared about me, but they also had each other. For me and Devyn, we only had each other, and I wanted him to stay. He was the first person, after my parents, to hold Tristan. He stayed by my side.

I won’t lie to you, I did have feelings for Devyn. But I didn’t know exactly what they were. I knew they were deeply rooted in my soul, and strong. But in my heart, James was still the only man for me. At the same time, I found myself making room for Devyn.

I foolishly tried to convince myself that it was just friendship. And a deep appreciation for him. That’s all I could allow myself. And then I focused my attention on finding the dark witch who betrayed us.

Amelia, I told you this was boring didn’t I? Well, I spent eight years, starting from when the war ended, looking for that witch. I wasn’t able to find her, and eventually, Jordan took over the search. I had other things I had to focus on.

~Mom

MJ. B