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Dear Amelia,

Devyn has always been a constant presence in Tristan’s life. Your brother looked up to him a lot. Probably more than he looked up to Jordan. He knew Devyn wasn’t his father, but, thinking about it now, listened to him like he was. He always wanted to spend time with Devyn and loved going to Black Forest. And it made me happy.

Like I said before, there was always something between Devyn and I. I was the one who refused to give in. And Devyn only respected that, though I’m sure it was hard. It had to have been. For me, trying to convince myself every day that we were just friends was becoming more and more impossible.

See, the thing about love is that it’s was always there. Its constant presence always surfaced the more I tried to deny it. Or control it. It was there when Devyn smiled. It was there when he hugged me. It was there when James vowed to find me in the next life. And it was there when I thought about either of them. I was torn.

James was my soul mate, we were fated for each other. And I believed he’d be reincarnated and he’d find me again. And there was still the possibility that Devyn had a second chance mate out there.

I did think about it a lot, Amelia. About whether I should take a chance and allow myself to be with Devyn. But every time I thought about it, I felt guilty. The guilt didn’t only stem from my love for James. It was imbedded with fear for Devyn.

Being with me would have been a lot. I wasn’t just anyone, I was the queen. I didn’t just have to watch over my tribe, but all supernatural. People expected a lot out of me. Perfection. And Devyn had his own pack to worry about. But knowing him, he’d do anything for me. I believed that the moment he rejected his mate for me.

I think I knew that he loved me as more than a friend. I knew it since before the war. Since before James. I think I did too. There was something deeply rooted between us that I tried to ignore for the longest. But I’ll get into that later. The main reason I know he loved me, was because of how he acted towards me. His kindness, and the way he treated me wasn’t out of guilt.

Anyway, it wasn’t until eight years after the war ended that Gaia told me it was okay to be happy with Devyn. It was on Tristan’s sixth birthday. Devyn got him a sword, which I was not happy about, and planned to scold him for, but he left.

After Tristan went to bed, I stayed up late working on something. Devyn linked me, so I went over to see him. I needed to talk to him anyway about the sword. And other things. But when I got there, the energy was different.

When I hugged him, I didn’t want to let him go. He didn’t either, and the hug lingered. Maybe a part of it was because of Gaia. She told me it was okay to be happy with him. To love him. And I let my feelings consume me. One thing led to another and we hooked up.

Devyn felt guilty afterwards. He thought he was taking advantage of me. He thought about James, because he felt like he betrayed him. I told him not to worry, that he wasn’t taking advantage of me. And we agreed that it would be a one time hookup.

The decision was mine. I told him we wouldn’t do this again and he agreed. Though I’m sure he didn’t want to. The thing is, I didn’t have a second chance mate or a partner. The goddesses told me so. But there was still a chance for him, and I didn’t want to ruin that. I didn’t want him rejecting another mate for me.

If you think this was a happy ending, You’re wrong. I didn’t leave his room feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. I left in a panic because Tristan was in trouble.

~Mom

MJ. B