31

Dear Amelia,

You must be curious about what what I do actually remember, since my last letter was from what I was told happened. And to answer your question before you ask, I didn’t look at anyone’s memories about what happened, mostly because I was scared. What they told me happened was already horrific. To see it would have been worse. So I took their word for it. Anyway, before I tell you what I do remember, I need to finish telling you what I was told happened first. So I’ll start with that part.

Victoria explained that I needed to heal emotionally in order to get rid of Macey. And in order to heal, I needed to face everything that happened to me. Including the things that I didn’t remember.

Victoria also said that I was only immortal in this realm. I’m immune to magic and most things from this realm only. If Colton was using outside magic, or tools, I can die. In other words, if he was using fae magic or weapons, it could kill me. We already suspected he was using fae magic, and that means there was a real chance that he influenced me and might have caused me to spiral.

All these years later, and it makes sense. Colton affected me. He influenced me way before I ever knew anything. It’s why Gaia was out of it and why we didn’t sense him in the hall. I’m surprised Devyn wasn’t affected. But I guess that’s because I was the target.

Now, I’ll do my best to make this all make sense to you too. From here, I’ll continue onto my own prospective of what I experienced. What I remember happening was that I was angry. No I was seething. I saw red and lost control. And then I blacked out.

When I opened my eyes, I was surrounded by darkness. I got a little bit of flashes of what Macey was doing, but for the most part, it was just darkness. I couldn’t see anything around me or even know if there were things around me.

I walked around, trying to find a way out. And then I found a door. Before I could open it, Macey stopped me. It was the first time I met her.

Imagine how weird it was to look at an angry, deranged version of yourself. I was speechless. Her eyes were red. Bloodlust rolled off her in waves, along with an overwhelming sense of loathing, hatred and pain.

Her ire wasn’t just aimed at the world. It was also aimed at me. I created her, and I kept her locked up in that same darkness I found myself in. I was in denial, but she was right. She explained to me how I was weak, and how I gave up and wanted to die.

Amelia, I learned the petrifying truth from Macey. I didn’t survive my childhood because I was the prophecy foretold. I survived because Macey didn’t want to die. She wanted revenge.

I told Macey that I didn’t want revenge. That it wasn’t worth it. I told her I forgave and moved on. I found people who loved me, in spite of me being a hybrid. Her response was that I was only able to do that because I didn’t remember everything.

There were gaps in my memories. I always thought it was from passing out after getting jumped or attacked. But I found out that Macey took those memories from me. When life got too hard, when the assaults were too much, when I wanted to give up and die, Macey was there to face it so I wouldn’t have to. Macey endured so that I didn’t have to. She took the worst of it and hid it from me, to protect me. And her. All because she didn’t want to die.

If she was full of hate and resentment, it was my fault. All the pain, indignation and hatred I ever felt, I buried deep down. By doing so, I force fed her with them. I got to be the good, forgiving Marcy everyone knew and loved because I forced Macey to be the bad guy.

Macey didn’t stay with me long. She left and sent me back into the lonely darkness. I wandered around my own empty mind trying to find a way out, or back. When I found another door, I went through it. I was in Macey’s version of Black Forest. In my room back home… well, her room. It was exactly like mine.

I looked for her journal, because if she was the same as me, she kept one. All I wanted was to understand her better. When I found the journal, there were so many entries. From every bully attack, to the nightmares- that I know now are not nightmares, but rather Macey taking over when I couldn’t handle life- and to the events of and after the war. She was there for all of it.

Remember when I said Macey was the one who took care of me after James died? I thought it was Gaia at first, but after reading the journal I found out it was actually Macey. The pages were filled. She took days, weeks and years of memories from me. And I had no idea.

James death was Macey’s breaking point. It wasn’t just mine. And after he died, she decided she was going to take over and get revenge.

Amelia, I don’t blame her. And none of us should. All she ever knew was the worst parts of life. She never knew what happiness felt like, and she wanted to. She thought burning the world would bring her that happiness.

~Mom

MJ. B