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Dear Amelia,

As you know, Darius an Markus are dead and I am now Queen. And as you might have guess from my last letter, I was not the one who killed them.

Vasilia showed up and used her magic to stop me. Yes, I am immune to most magic, but not magic from gods or goddesses. I am also not immune to magic from Vasilia and Stella. Because they are both daughters of a goddess, and high priestess, they are goddesses themselves.

In order for the prophecy to be fulfilled and the curse to be broken, Vasilia had to be the one to kill them.

The funny thing is, Amelia, that I finally understood her pain. Her anger, her hatred. I felt and understood them all. And even with understanding her this way, I still blamed her for James and Jordan’s death.

I was weak. The only thing pushing me forward was my anger. Vasilia didn’t want me to end up like her, consumed by darkness. I was supposed to be saving her, and now she needed to save me. But my anger and pain was too great. The darkness was accepting. And I wanted to fall into its comfort.

My anger, and the darkness surrounding my heart called and pushed me for revenge. Revenge on everyone. Revenge on Markus, on Darius, on the witch who betrayed us, on Vasilia. Had Vasilia not reminded me about my pregnancy, I would have likely attacked her.

Instead, I took a step back and let Vasilia get her revenge. When she was done, Vasilia told me to burn the place down, and I did. Before we were consumed by the fire, she teleported us out.

Vasilia took us to Willow Lake. By then, I was a shell of myself. There was a void in my soul that drained me of all life. Yet somehow I found the strength to run to the infirmary to find James and Jordan. I knew they were gone, the emptiness in my heart told me so. But I refused to believe it.

James was nowhere to be found. Jordan however, lied motionless on a bed in a private room. I searched for the bond, but I couldn’t find it. It was gone. Gaia couldn’t sense Milo either. But somehow, he was still breathing.

Stella told me that she tried to save James, but he died before she even made it to us. She also told me that Celeste took him to the Moon Goddess realm.

We won the war, but I couldn’t be happy about it. How could I? Jordan was a fucking vegetable, and James was gone. I didn’t even have a body to bury. And there were so many people who we lost because of that stupid war. It never should have happened.

I spent over a week next to Jordan trying to heal him. I didn’t talk to anyone besides Stella and my parents. And I didn’t leave Jordan’s side. I couldn’t bear the thought that he’d be gone if left. As long as I was there, I could help him stay alive.

Sleeping was impossible anyway. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw James covered in blood. So I didn’t sleep. The worst part was that I had to tell his family. I had to tell Kevin. But I didn’t want to leave Jordan’s side, but I knew I had to.

I told Kevin about James, though I’m sure he already knew. He likely felt the bond break. I asked him to tell Lee because I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t face her. How was I supposed to tell her that her older brother, who she loved so much and looked up to, died because of me? She’d hate me. I hate me.

After another week I started planning James’s funeral. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. And I was expected to be queen. And eventually a mother. I wasn’t supposed to do any of this alone. James was supposed to lead with me, and raise Tristan with me.

I didn’t know how I was supposed to carry the world on my shoulders alone. And I desperately wished I didn’t have to. But we are all born into a life we didn’t choose, and it’s up to us to make the best of it.

~Mom

MJ. B