Give Me Grace

Chapter 3

Part One

After Miles and I finished with our pizza, we quickly discarded the empty box into the dumpster before heading back into the house. The sun was high in the sky and the light breeze was welcomed. It was a hot Spring day, and without the help of AC, the breeze from the open windows was our only source of relief. 

“I still find it hard to believe you were a loner who grew up on a farm,” Miles said as we pushed the old bed out of my former room.

“Why is it so hard?” I chuckled.

“I mean, you don’t necessarily scream ‘city girl’, but you seem far from a loner.”

He was right. A lot has changed in my life and now I seem to be surrounded by people. But no matter how many people I surrounded myself with, I was still lonely, and not close to any of them except Emily.

“I guess I can see where you’re coming from. A lot’s changed since I was last here.”

“People change. That’s life,” Miles said as he followed me back into the room. “So your grandpa is Mr. Bates? He’s not your actual grandpa, but someone you were close to?”

“Yeah. Biologically he was not my grandpa. But he was the only family I had.”

“What do you mean? What about your siblings and parents?” He asked.

“I haven’t talked to them since the day I left for college.”

For some strange reason, I felt vulnerable. Like I could tell him anything. He made me feel comfortable and I wanted to give into it. Like Mr. Bates, something about Miles drew me in and made me feel like I could be my true self. He had a kind and pure heart, so I figured fuck it. If he leaves me, at least I got help cleaning the place

***

For as long as I could remember, I felt like an outcast from my family. When I was born, my family was well off. We didn’t need anything. Of course, I was too young to remember most of that, but I remember clearly when things started to change. 

When I was seven, I caught my dad with another woman. I was too young to understand what I was seeing, but I felt responsible for ruining my family’s lives. My mom was at work while our neighbor babysat my siblings and me. This was normal since my dad also had to work.

The babysitter told us it was time for a nap after we had a snack, but I wasn’t tired. I wasn’t the type to whine and cry and do anything just to stay up, so I quietly lay on the makeshift bed while everyone else took their naps. As I lay there, I had the sudden urge to use the bathroom, so I got up and made my way to the bathroom. 

Coming back from the bathroom, I still couldn’t bring myself to fall asleep, so instead, I went into the playroom. The playroom was directly facing my house and with the windows open, I could see directly in. As I looked out the window, I saw my dad taking off his suit and tie, as he did every day.

Excited, I ran out of the house and back home. My dad always worked late, so to see him home early for a change made me happy. The door was unlocked as I pushed my way in and ran straight towards his room.

The house was silent but I heard grunts and whining coming from the room. I thought maybe he got hurt, so I opened the door and ran in to help. What I saw confused me. Our babysitter was naked in the bed with my dad. She quickly pulled the blanket up to cover herself while my dad did the same.

“Daddy? What’s going on?” I questioned him.

“Nothing, sweetie. Why are you here?” He asked me as he pulled up his pants.

“I saw you were home from the playroom and came back to ask you to play. Why is she here?”

“No reason. I was just telling your dad how good you and your siblings were being,” she answered as she tried to put her shirt back on. It didn’t make sense. None of it.

“But why are you naked? And why were you crying?”

“Oh, because I spilled water on my shirt and got it dirty. And I hurt myself while taking it off to dry. Your dad was just trying to make me feel better and give me another shirt.” She told me.

For some reason, I believed her. Maybe because I was seven and thought my dad could do no wrong. Boy was I mistaken. I watched as she scrambled to put the rest of her clothes back on before running out of the house and next door. 

“Honey, don’t tell Mommy about this okay? She might get mad if you do.”

“Why would she get mad? You were just helping her feel better,” I inquired.

“Because, mommy isn’t like you, sweetie. She won’t understand the way you do.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said nothing. He continued to try to explain to me why I couldn’t tell my mom what I saw and no matter how much he explained, it didn’t make sense. But I still believed him. I believed that he was just helping her and that it was innocent. 

“It’ll be our little secret. Come on. Daddy is going to take you to get ice cream.”

I was excited and ran out to the car. I noticed he didn’t go next door to pick up my siblings, but I didn’t mind. As long as I got my ice cream.

It wasn’t until we got back that I noticed my mom was now home, along with my siblings. They were all waiting for us so we could join them for dinner. My dad kissed my mom and when she asked him about his day, he explained that he got off work early and that he had a light day. He never mentioned the babysitter so I didn’t either.