Give Me Grace

Chapter 1

Part Two

“So, why do you want to live in this shack?” Miles, my boyfriend, asked.

I’ve kept most of my past hidden from him. Not that I was ashamed of it, I just liked to keep my privacy. I know he hates it, but I can’t help it. Each time I told a past boyfriend about my past life, they saw it as baggage they didn’t want to carry. Every time, they left. So I haven’t told Miles about any of it. Not even the good.

It’s been about a year and a half since we started dating, which has been the longest relationship I’ve ever had. As much as I wanted to tell him about my past when he asked, I still found myself refraining. But I didn’t see how giving him my reason would hurt, so I did.

“It was my grandpa’s house. I’ve spent a lot of time here and I just felt like I needed to come back,” I explained.

The house was a dump, abandoned by my family a few years after Mr. Bates died. No, that was a lie; my family was kicked out by the new owner. It happened right after I left for college. The farm was neglected, the crops dried up and the field was burned, and my parents sold all the livestock.

Almost immediately after Mr. Bates passed, my parents closed everything. They thought that since Mr. Bates didn’t have any family, he would leave his money and land to them, but they were wrong.

Kind of. He did leave it to someone, but not to them. The lawyer, Mr. Stevens, never told them who he left it to, just that the new owner expected them to continue taking care of the land.

“What did he do with all this land?” Miles asked me as he helped me guide the movers on where to set the boxes. I should have cleared the house first. There was still so much stuff, covered in dust, that was left behind by my family. 

“Everything,” I said as I wandered off toward the master bedroom.

After finding out we could stay, my parents threw out all of Mr. Bates’s possessions and hastily moved into his room. My brother took over my parent’s room and my sister and I continued to share the third room.

Walking into the room, I saw nothing but a mess. Dust covered everything and cobwebs lined the walls. I really needed to clean this place before moving in. I knew it was a hassle, but I already made my mind up.

I quickly ran back to the movers and asked if they could come back tomorrow. I needed to clean and clear out all the mess that was left behind. After agreeing to the extra charges, the men left with the truck and I quickly dialed the number for a dumpster to be brought to the house.

I dug through the boxes that were already unloaded by the movers and sighed in relief to find they had unloaded the cleaning supplies. I didn’t have to buy much, other than trash bags, an air purifier, gloves, and masks for us to use. While we were out, we stopped to grab a light meal, before getting to work.

Although I told Miles I could do this on my own, I appreciated his help. He was different from the guys I’ve dated in the past. Maybe just as broken as I was, but we fit together almost perfectly. He never pushed me and I never pushed him. We went at our own pace, living in each moment as it was and never looking too far into the past. Was that a smart idea? Probably not, but we’ve made it this far, and I was happy with that.

“You said your grandpa did everything, what did you mean by that?” Miles asked me as we made our way back to the house.

“He was a very resourceful man. Adventurous and ambitious. Humbled and appreciative. He never took his time for granted.”

“He sounds like a pretty cool guy. I would have loved to meet him,” Miles smiled and so did I.

“He had a powerful influence on me. That’s for sure,” I said as we pulled up to the house.

“Could you tell me a little about him?” 

“Not right now, we’ve got a lot to clean,” I told him, not wanting to share my precious memories with him.

Miles didn’t say anything after that as we got out and went inside. It was early Spring and luckily it was not raining. The first thing I did was take down the old sun-bleached curtains to allow light to flow into the house. Miles opened every window to allow airflow and we got to work.

We decided to start in the back of the house, where the rooms were. I started in my old room, which was filled with my sister’s things. I had left for college about a month before my family was forced to move out. In that short period, my sister had gotten rid of all my things and replaced them with her stuff.

It was annoying, but I also expected that from her. I opened the first trash bag and started throwing everything that was bad or broken in it. The items that seemed to be in good condition I stored in a box that I planned to sell. Other items, I put in a separate bag that I would donate.

We didn’t have much, so I was able to quickly move from one room to another. After I cleared a room of garbage, Miles came behind me and dusted, and swept. He wiped the window sills, fans, and baseboards, leaving the room spotless. The walls needed to be cleaned and repainted, and the floors needed to be mopped, but the place looked better than before.

It wasn’t until I tried to turn on the air purifier that I noticed the electricity wasn’t working. I guess that made sense. It hasn’t been paid since my family moved out, so of course it would have been cut off. Trying the water, it was also turned off.

Taking a break from work, Miles and I sat in the bed of my truck while I tried to reach the electric company. I was on hold for about half an hour and my patience was running thin. Not to mention I was extremely hungry. Once I finally spoke to someone, they told me that since the property had been vacant for so long, they would need to send an electrician to check the wiring before they could restore energy to them.

With a sigh, I thanked them and reached out to the water company, who told me the same thing. Plumbers would have to check the pipes both inside and outside of the house before opening the valves to allow the flow of water. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner, but now that meant I wouldn’t have any AC, heat, or running water.

After I got off the phone with the water company, Miles went into town to grab lunch while I cleaned more. We had left the large furniture in the rooms because I didn’t know what to do with them yet. Still, I wanted to get as much done as possible to shorten the amount of time I would rent the dumpster. I wanted to shorten the length of the storage as well, but it can’t be helped.

The property was large and there was a lot to get done. But as long as I had the main house up and running, I was okay with delaying everything else for a short amount of time.

Being back here brought back a range of emotions. It was nostalgic and depressing at the same time. I had fond and painful memories of this place. And although I spent a good amount of my childhood here, when I left, I never thought I would come back.

I never thought everything would change when I left, but as fate has it, nothing was the same. Everywhere I looked, old memories resurfaced. Some I clung to and held dear to my heart, most of which included Mr. Bates. Others I wished I could forget.

With the way things are now, I had no choice but to come back here. Circumstance. Something I learned was controlled by fate and the outcome of my decisions. Mr. Bates often told me that you had to make the best of every circumstance and that decisions would often change due to them. I can’t help but wonder if the circumstances were different, would I have ever met him?

Of course, I would. Because fate would have led us together, one way or another. But fate is cruel. And even if we were to have met, it would likely be in a cruel way. Fate caused Mr. Bates to get sick. Fate is the reason he died. And fate, I resent the most.

After finishing cleaning out the garbage that was left in the house, I took a step outside to await Miles. I gazed upon the vast field that used to be full of life with crops and cattle. Now a browning field of overgrown brush and dried tall grass. What was once beautiful, is now an eyesore. Mr. Bates would have been disappointed.

Caught up in old memories, I didn’t hear the sound of the revving engine of my truck. Miles was back, with food. It wasn’t the sound of the truck or his voice calling my name that brought me back to the present. Rather, it was my rumbling stomach and nose that picked up the scent of pizza, that made me notice he was back.

“What has your attention so undividedly?” Miles looked out towards the fields in hopes of understanding. Something that is not possible.

“He would have been so disappointed. He loved this farm,” I sighed as I grabbed the box from his hand.

“What happened to it?” He asked as he followed me to the bed of the truck.

“Neglect. After he passed away, no one took care of it. It was a full-time job that no one wanted.”

“You said he did everything. Does that mean he took care of the farm all on his own? He sounds like an amazing man,” Miles grabbed a slice of pizza and folded it before stuffing it into his mouth.

Mr. Bates used to do the same thing and for a brief second, I was reminded of our many pizza dates, before he was bedridden.

“Yes. He was very amazing. He used to eat pizza the same way you do,” I chuckled at the memories.

“This is the only way to eat pizza. If he did it this way, I know he was a genius,” Miles laughed. 

“Do you see that over there?” I pointed towards the large run-down barnhouse. “When I was nine, I wanted so badly to play with the horses. I didn’t know any better and thought they would all be there. Instead, it was empty.”

“So what did you do?” He asked, taking another bite of his pizza.

“I was heartbroken! But my nine-year-old self didn’t stay upset for long. I started doing cartwheels in the barn. But when Grandpa walked in, I was spooked and fell. I ended up hurting myself and crying.” 

“No! You.. Crying? I didn’t know you did that,” he sarcastically teased me.

“So what happened?”